I was struggling with him to get into his car seat and out it came plain as day, "NO!"

The big one. I told him, "Yes," and he just said it again. Then to make matters worse, the whole way home, he made it into a song. His little blond head bouncing back and forth singing, "No, no, no, no, no." Everything has now become "no." Time for bed-- no. Want a cookie-- no. Let's put your shoes on-- no. Everything.

And then, oddly enough, I received a email today from a wonderful site called Life Minders with tips on dealing with the dreaded first sign of independance. I thought I would share them and elaborate on them if needed.

1. Short attention spans.
Toddlers, no matter if they are one or three, have a short attention span. Offer new toys or activities frequently to keep their attention where you want it and not on pushing the on/off switch on the television repeatedly (Andrew's favorite activity today at Grandma and Grandpa's house.)

2. Offer options.
Saying no is his way off testing his independance. Give him some freedom other ways. Give his the choice of two different shirts to wear that day. Let him choose his snack. Try to limit his options to just two. Too many will just cause you more headaches than that "no" word would.

3. Say "no" less yourself.
One of the magical lessons of early childhood education for college students is to always speak positively to young children. Instead of "no running in the room," they teach you that you should say "Use your walking feet" or some other corny teacher cliche.

For four years I spoke only like that to children, and then I joined the real world and had a child of my own. With your own kids, it is impossible to completely eliminate that word from your vocabulary. Sometimes as a parent you have earned that right to just say no and that be the end of it. But children do learn mostly by example, and, if they hear "no" all the time, they will begin to say it when things aren't going
the way they want it to.

4. Avoid punishment at this age-- it doesn't work.
Prevention, not punishment. Another one of those early childhood ed concepts. Day care
rooms are designed for little hands and minds. Grandma's house is not. I was tired of telling Andrew to leave my books alone on my shelf in our living room, so I just boxed them up and replaced them with his books. If you can't prevent it, go back to number one and offer him something else to keep his attention.

5. Respect his right to say no.
As an early childhood teacher, I agree with this one, but as a parent, I have yet to find a justifiable "no" come out of his mouth. We'll just wait and see how this one unfolds.

And, finally, remember that it is just a stage. And every stage eventually fades away. Everyone at work keeps telling me to wait intil he starts yelling a popular near-vulgar wrestling term like some of the children in my preschool do. They say that even though I ban it in my house, it'll happen anyways. All I know is that he's not watching anything but VeggieTales until he's twenty-one.

Barb Huff has an early childhood background from Kent State; taught preschool for four years before joining the real world. Afyter having a son of her own (now 15 months;) Barb says "I had all the answers to every child care issue before, now I'm lucky if I can come up with the question." She writes a weekly parenting column for The Bargain Hunter, an Ohio free-press paper, is working on a freelance career and is happily married to a wonderful man.